In a Time of Dragons and Duloc
by Chibi Lenne
Summary: This is a crossover between our favorite Gundam Wing series...and well..Shrek. I really dont' know what I was thinking when I started this, but so far it is kind of funny, (Original Character: Shikira Maxwell in this story as well as my other ones)
1. The Life of an Ogre

In The Time of Dragons and Duloc?  
  
Chapter One: The Life of...an Ogre?  
  
Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort... Which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower... for her true love and true love's first kiss.  
"Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of..." a voice from the inside of a rather crude looking outhouse said in a laughing manner before the sound of a toilet flushing was heard.  
Trowa Barton was having the time of his life, he enjoyed living alone and he planned on living alone forever. He lived in a swamp surrounded by, more swamp, the stones covered with slime as were the toadstools. But that was the way that he liked things, and he wouldn't change them for anything. Though off somewhere in his swamp he heard thesounds of villagers, he sighed inwardly, why did they bother? They never ventured into the swamp, and if they did, did they not see the signs? At times like this he thought that humans were illiterate, or just plain stupid, which was more than likely.  
"Go! Go! Go. Go. Go..." he heard one of them say as they approached his home.   
"Think it's in there?"  
"All right. Let's get it!"  
"Woah! Hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you?" one of them asked, holding back his eager commrade.   
"Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread."  
"Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, Ogres--, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin," Trowa said as he had snuck up on them, not that he didn't have trouble hiding his noise as he'd walked, they'd made more than enough noise to hear them.  
"No!" the villagers yelled.   
"They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast," Trowa said quite thoughtfully. Then one of the braver villagers approached him brandishing a flaming branch.   
"Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!" he yelled, then gasped in surprise as Trowa put the branch out as if it were no more than a candle sitting atop a birthday cake.  
"Right," he said, then taking a breath roared as loud as he could, a rather frightening sight, causing the villagers to scream and huddle together, the roaring and screaming continuing for quite some time before Trowa decided to lean over and he whispered to them.  
"This is the part where you run away," he stated, and they did. Laughing he merely shook his head and yelled after them, "And stay out!"   
Though now, something was bothering him during his usually quiet and peaceful meal of weed rat the mob had dropped a flyer of some sorts.   
"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures?" He merely shrugged it off and began to eat his weed rat stew.   
***  
"NEXT!" a guard shouted from his wooden table in the forest clearing where people had lined up with odd creatures and items for some reason or another.  
"I have here an enchanted puppet," a man with a toy crafters apron on stated.   
"Hmm... five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away," the guard stated handing the man money to the old man as two guards took the puppet from him.  
"No...I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy, Papa..." the puppet went on but the man didn't seem to hear him.   
"NEXT!" the guard,(Who by the way is a random OZ soldier), yelled out to the line that was slowly moving forwards, this was going to take all day.   
"What is it lady?" the guard asked looking at the donkey she had with her.  
" Well I've got a talking donkey," the old woman said looking to the guard with a greedy grin on her face looking over the stack of gold coins beside him.  
" Right......well that's good for 10 shillings, if you can prove it," the guard said looking to the animal with a raised brow.   
"Oh yes, of course it talks. Come on donkey, say hello to the nice guard," the woman said. The guard raised an eyebrow as he watched the woman and the rather silent animal.  
" Oh well go a head little fella" the woman said.  
" Well????" the guard urged waiting for something to happen.   
" Oh huh. ahh...He's Just a little nervous, he's really quite the chatter box. Talk you bone headed donkey," the woman whispering the last part harshly into the donkey's ear.   
" That's it I've heard enough, Guards," the one guard said waving a hand and motioning for his men to take the donkey and the old woman away from him.   
" No, no he talks, he does..." the woman said grasping the donkey's mouth and began to do a very, VERY bad job of making it look like the donkey was talking, " I can talk. I love to talk...I am the talkinest damn thing you ever saw."  
" Get her out of my sight," the guard stated and two of his men grabbed both the arms of the old woman. Yelling and struggling, the old woman kicked her legs up, accidentally kicking a cage that had a fairy, (Tinkerbell), in it, releasing it. Flying around the fairy sprinkled dust, especially on the donkey that was supposedly a talking donkey.  
" AHHHH...Hey I can fly," the donkey said.  
"He can fly," a little boy (Peter Pan), stated doing his oh-so-famous pose with his hands on his hips, and the three little pigs stated at the same time.  
"He can...talk," the guard yelled standing up from the table and bracing his hands on it.   
"That's right fool! Now I'm a flying talking donkey! You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a super fly! But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha ha...He ha...ahh ohh" the donkey trailed off as he started to fall down towards the ground once again looking around nervously.  
"GET IT!" the guard shouted and his men took off after the donkey that ran off into the forest. The donkey was too busy looking backwards that he didn't see the ogre that he ran into, who merely looked to him, then up at the pursuing guards.   
"You there, Ogre! Under order...of his...ruler...Lord Farquaad...you are to be taken..." the guard started to say but trailed off as he noticed all his men had run off, so he did the same.  
Trowa turned to look at the Donkey who he had 'saved' and raised an eyebrow, he was talking, but the words were just going so fast that he couldn't really understand what it was he was saying. Getting fed up he growled bits and pieces of swamp slime that had been on his teeth came off landing beside the donkey.  
"You definitely need some tic tacs or something because your breath STINKS!" the donkey yelled at him as he started to follow the ogre.   
"Quit following me donkey," the ogre said trying to ignore the following nuisance. Trowa thought that he had lost him until the donkey appeared, he'd climbed on a fallen log and was looking down at him upside down.  
"Man, you almost burned the hair out of my nose. Just like the time (MUMBLES) and then I ate some rotten berries, I had some strong gases eking outta my butt that day!" the donkey said dragging on and on and on. Trowa was starting to wonder what shut this thing up, removing his hand from the donkey's mouth he started to walk towards his swamp home.   
"I'm all alonnnnne...Theres no-body hereeee..." the donkey started to sing and Trowa turned to glare at him.  
"I'm starting to understand why you don't have any friends," he stated and stopped on top of a hill looking down at his house.   
"Only a true friend would be that truly honest," the donkey said and looked down wrinkling his nose a bit. "Who'd wanna live in a place like that ?" he asked out loud.  
" That's my home," Trowa stated simply looking back over his shoulder as he walked down the grassy hill towards the house.  
"Oh well...it's amazing what you can do on such a modest bud jet ... I like that boudlder . That is a nice boulder," donkey continued to stay as he followed Trowa, not really paying attention to the signs as he passed them.   
"Uh..."  
"What is it donkey?" Trowa asked standing on his front porch looking him over a bit.   
"Can I stay with you Trowa?" the donkey asked him.  
"What?"   
"Can I stay with you, please?" he asked again.  
"Of course," Trowa said simply going to open the door to his house.  
"Really?" he asked with disbelief.  
"No,"  
"Please I don't want to go back out there you don't no what it's like to be considered, well maybe you do you've got to let me stay please," the donkey pleaded with him, giving him the cute little puppy dog eyes.  
"Ok but for 1 night only," Trowa said opening the door to let himself in.  
"All right man this is going to be fun we can stay up late swapping manly stories and in the morning I'm making waffles" the donkey said as he sat down on Trowa's only chair in the small house for one. 


	2. A Growing Friendship

Chapter Two: A Growing Friendship.  
  
  
"Oh!" Trowa yelled out in frustration, this donkey was beginning to become a nuisience.   
"Where do, uh, I sleep?" the donkey asked, (Author's Note: From now on, if you havn't guessed who he is, too bad, because it's Duo, and I'm going to use his name now ~_^), as he looked around the small dwelling of the ogre.   
"Outside!" Trowa yelled at him pointing to the open door which they had both just run through.   
"Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know," he said sniffling, "here I go. Good night. I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess. You know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me," Duo said rambling on about this, trying to, obviously, make Trowa feel bad.  
After a while, when the sun had set, Trowa went about his routine, getting ready for his dinner, alone, as usual. Though he found it darker than normal, not that that would bother him much, or it wouldn't usually. So, he lit an earwax candle on his table, just a small flame, so he could see his food. Then, he heard a noise and he turned to look at the door that had been shut all afternoon since he had come home with the annoying donkey, Duo.  
"I thought I told you to stay outside," Trowa yelled out at him.  
"I am outside," Duo stated firmly back to him. Trowa growled and stood up, he couldn't stand that donkey, it was going to have to go. He had turned towards the door, then stopped, there was that nosie again. He turned back towards the table he had just been sitting at.  
"Well, gents. It's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?" a small voice said and a small white mouse, with, sunglasses?, stepped out onto the table, in Trowa's view.  
"It's not home, but it'll do just fine," another one said as it too appeared and Trowa began to grow impatient at this, what was going on? Why were these mice in his home?  
"What a lovely bed," a third one stated bouncing on what looked to be...cheese? Though it lasted only a moment for Trowa grabbed out to catch the tiny white offender.  
"Got ya" Trowa yelled, then opened his hand, where had it gone, he'd been sure he'd caught the annoying thing. Then, it was on his shoulder, sniffing at his ear, (antenna whatever it is*shrugs*)  
"I found some cheese" it said and bit into his green ear.  
"Ow!" Trowa yelled out.   
"Blah! Awful stuff" it stated then it hopped down onto the table where one of them was tripping around the other standing there and listening to his voice.   
"Is that you, Gorder?" one of them asked.   
"How did you know?" the other one, that had bit his ear, had asked. Trowa, who was now beyond fed up with these anticts grabbed the three of them up by their tails and glared at them.   
"Enough! What are you doing in my house?" he asked them loudly then was pushed forward as something hit his back. He turned around to look at his table to see what had been pushed into him and his mouth fell open. Chaos, that was what his quiet home had turned into, and he could only imagine the cause of it.  
"Hey! Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table" he said pushing the coffin of the girl away from him. Though the tiny men who had pushed her there began to push back.  
"Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken" the dwarves said at the same time, as if they were the same person.  
"Huh?" Trowa asked then stormed towards his bedroom. All it was was a simple curtain used to divide the bed from the rest of his house, not that he needed it, there was no need for privacy, usually he was the only one here. And that was how he liked things to be. When he opened the curtain he found a wolf, wearing a purple night shirt and old woman's cap laying in his bed, HIS bed.  
"What?" the wolf asked. Though Trowa gave him no answer he merely rambled onto himself as he held the wolf up by the scruff of his neck and began marching towards the door of his house to throw him out, all the others soon to follow.   
"I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?" he yelled as he through the wolf out of the house. Then his mouth fell open, he was starting to hate surprises such as the ones he was getting today. More than he had ever wanted in his entire life. His home, his swamp, was full of fairy tale creatures of all kinds, camped out right in front of his house. Now what was going on?  
"Oh, no. Oh, no. No! No! What? What are you doing in my swamp?" Trowa yelled, his voice echoing throughout thesurrounding swamp area causing all the other fairtail creatures to go silent, the only ones who dared to speak at the moment were the dwarves, but that didn't last very long, because Trowa once again yelled out at the group frozen with fear.  
"All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!" he yelled motioning for them to get out of his way. Though the dwarves were the first ones to move, into his house that was.   
"No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. Oh!" he said letting out an exhausted sigh as he turned and glared at Duo who was staning there, almost as surprised as Trowa was at their arrival in the swamp.   
"Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them," Duo said as he backed away from Trowa seeing the glare that had turned on him, and it was more than obvious that Trowa was in an anti-social mood.  
"Oh, gosh, no one invited us," the little wooden puppet said, as he looked between Duo and Trowa.  
"What?" Shrek asked, a bit clamer, though it wasn't much of an improvement from his anger.  
"We were forced to come here" the puppet said then backed away from Shrek.  
"By who?" Shrek ordered his temper flaring once more.  
"Lord Trieze (AKA Lord Farquaad). He huffed und he puffed und he... signed an eviction notice," one of the three little pigs sighed and turned to his two brothers.  
"All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?" Trowa asked looking about the crowd. He figured it was the only way to get his swamp back, nice and quiet, and slimy.   
"Oh, I do. I know where he is" Duo said raising his hand  
"Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?" he asked again trying to ignore Duo.  
"Me! Me!" Duo said again.  
"Anyone?"  
"Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!"  
"Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now... and get you all off my land and back where you came from! Oh! You! You're comin' with me," Trowa said with a sigh as he turned and walked through the crowd, not bothering to look back, the sight would only disturb him again and make his temper flare up once more.  
"All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Trowa and Duo, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! On the road again" Duo started to sing. "Sing it with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get on the road again."  
"What did I say about singing?" Trowa asked annoyed as he looked to his 'companion'.  
"Can I whistle?" Duo asked looking up at him with wide eyes.  
"No." Trowa said flatly.   
"Can I hum it?"  
"All right, hum it" 


	3. An Ogre in Court

Chapter Three: An Ogre in Court  
  
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, since it's getting kind of confusing, I'm suggestion you read one or two of my other fanfics, otherwise you will totally not understand who Shikira, or Nanashi is ~_^ Hope you enjoy it)  
  
Trumpets sounded and footsteps were heard walking down the stone coridore of the massive castle, the pristine figure of the ruler of the city moved silently, a cruel smirk twisting at his thin lips and marring his features. Not that that really took much to do anyway, but that's besides the point. He stopped and waited for his guards to open the doors to the torture chamber, his men had caputred one of those filthy fairy tail creatures, and now, he would find the others.   
He stepped into the room and looked around grinning, so many ways to torture someone, some of his favorites, the rack, a simple cage, or...a glass of milk. He turned to look at his expert in torture dunking a gingerbread cookie into a glass of milk, though odd, the cookie was squirming. He snapped his fingers and held up his hand to the torturer.   
"That's enough. He's ready to talk" he stated. When the Gingerbread man was placed on the cookie tray he grinned and walked over, snapping his fingers to lower the table to his height.   
"Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!" he stated grabbing the poor cookie's legs and crushing one with his fingers.   
"You're a monster," he said glaring at him.   
"I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others?" he commanded the cookie glaring down at him. (Author's Note: Have you guessed who the cookie is yet?)  
"Eat me!" the gingerbread man (AKA our favorite blond Quatre ~_^) yelled spitting in Lord Trieze's face.   
"I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll-" he stated threateningly as his fingers closed over a purple gumdrop.  
"No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons," he wailed squiming, for that was really all that he could do.   
"All right then. Who's hiding them?" Trieze asked him one more time his patience drawing thin.   
"Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?" Quatre asked him.  
"The muffin man?"  
"The muffin man."  
"Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?" Trieze asked for confirmation to make sure that they were speaking about the same muffin man.   
"Well, she's married to the muffin man."  
"The muffin man?"  
"The muffin man!" Quatre yelled out sobbing.   
"She's married to the muffin man." Trieze asked, pondering what it was they were even talking about anymore then his gaze was turned towards the door as it opened.   
"My lord! We found it." Quinze (AKA Thelonious) stated looking down at his master.   
"Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in" Trieze ordered and two of the men brought down an object covered with a black cloth. For a moment Trieze forgot about Quatre who lay on the cookie tray and he walked over as they uncovered the mirror that had been found.   
"Magic mirror-" Trieze started to say, but the phrase was interrupted by Quatre.  
"Don't tell him anything!" Quatre yelled out, then yelled once more as he was tossed needlessly into a garbage can over the side of the table. With a sigh he turned his attention back towards the mirror that had been brought into the torture chamber.  
"Evening" he said almost smirking before he continues, "mirror, mirror on the wall is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?" he asked it waiting for an answer. And for the mirror's well being, he hoped that it would be an answer that he'd like.  
"Well, technically you're not a king" he replied (Just for laughs the Mirror is Wufei-chan ^_^ aint he cute?).  
"Uh, Quinze..." Trieze said motioning for his 'hired thug', whom promptly held up a small hand mirror, smashing it into pieces. Then his gaze rested on Wufei and he grinned cruelly, he always got what he wanted, one way or another, and bullying usually worked. "You were saying?"  
"What I mean is, you're not a king yet" he stammered looking around, with the lack of arms and legs, or a body, he lacked the ability to defend himself, he would seriously like to flick this guy in the nose, but that just could be done, but he could dream right? Seeing the look of satisfaction on Trieze's face he continued, "but you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess" he stated watching him carefully.  
"Go on" Trieze said and rubbed his chin, this was becoming interesting, why hadn't he thought of that before? Marry a princess, become a king, it was so simple...it was stupid. Like him.  
"So, just sit back and relax My Lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, faraway. She likes sushi and hot tubbing any time. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Noin" he said in his game show host voice. At least this little fascade seemed to be working, Trieze was watching the screen intently now and he sighed, taking a deep breath before he continued.  
"Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Lady Une!" applause from somewhere were heard and he sighed, hopefully he'd pick the last one and he'd be rid of this new 'master'.  
"And last, but certainly not least, bachelorette number three is a fiery red head... from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Nanashi! So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?" Wufei finished as he started the clock on the Lord's choices.  
"Pick number three, my lord!" Quinze said holding up his fingers with two of them up, what an idiot, Wufei thought than turned his gaze back to Lord Trieze.  
"Okay, okay, uh, number three!" Trieze finally said and Wufei grinned his face disappearing to reveal the image of Princess Nanashi, a lovely young looking woman with long brown hair, braided, and deep crystal blue eyes.   
"Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Nanashi" Wufei stated and started to play some kind of music, just for the hell of it, what could he say, he was bored.  
"Princess Fiona," Trieze murmurred and smiled, "she's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go" he started to say but he was interrupted by Wufei.  
"But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night" he said, not really caring if he heard him or not. What did he care, it was his problem, so he just rambled on, knowing that Lord Trieze probably wasn't listening to him.  
"I'll do it," Trieze stated with triumph at his discision.  
"Yes, but after sunset" he started to say again, though if he didn't take his warning to heart this time, he would not try a third time to disuade him from what he 'thought' he wanted.  
"Silence! I will make this Princess Nanashi my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament," Trieze stated as he walked out of the torture chamber to prepare for a tournament of his finest warriors, leaving Wufei, and Quatre who had just started to climb out of the garbage can, to wonder what a tournament had to do with finding Princess Nanashi and rescuing her.  
***  
"But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. I told ya I'd find it" Duo said as he and Trowa emmerged on the far side of a parking lot of some sort, apparently they had taken the senic route to get to Duloc. And of course, it had been Duo who had led them, why doesn't that surprise anyone. Trowa sighed as he braced his hands on his hips and looked up at the massive building in front of him.  
"So, that must be Lord Trieze's castle" Trowa asked and looked down at Duo who was looking in the same direction that he was.  
"Uh-huh. That's the place" Duo said and went to take a step froward but waited for Trowa to do so.  
"Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?" Trowa said with a laugh and started walking towards the castle. Duo tilted his head and looked at it sideways for a moment and looked at it hard, concentrating. Trying to figure out just what Trowa meant exacktly by that comment.  
"Hey, wait. Wait up, Trowa!" Duo yelled as he ran to catch up to him. Trowa had walked up to the front gate, it was so much like an ammusment park. And for some odd reason there was a man with a n extremely large head running from him, screaming, but he was running back and forth between two blue ropes. Trowa didn't get it, he could easily catch him.  
"Hey, you! Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. I just-- I just" Trowa said with a sigh and pushed forward through the blue ropes just as the man went to run through the entrance way, unfortunately his head was just a little bit too big to go through the space and he fell backwards, obviously out cold since he didn't move to get up. Trowa sighed as he knelt beside him for a moment then stepped through the gate way.   
He looked around silently, there were no people, no noises. Though he heard one noise coming from behind him and he turned around only to find that Duo had gotten stuck in the entrance gate. He sighed and turned when Duo gave him a sheepish grin, then fell forward onto his face.  
"It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody?" Trowa asked looking around once more at the seemingly empty streets of Duloc.  
"Hey, look at this!" Duo statred and ran over to a pretty painted box with a big red button on the front of it. Now lets see, pushing buttons usually brings bad things...(AKA Self distruct button), but Duo, being...well Duo, pushed it anyway. He jumped back when the two doors began to swing open and their were some lifeless puppets there, then they sprang into action, and song.  
"Welcome to Duloc such a perfect town. Here we have some rules. Let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine. Duloc is a perfect place. Please keep off of the grass. Shine your shoes, wipe your... face. Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect place" with the closing of the doors their was a flash of bright white light, and a picture appeared in front of them. There was a moment of hesitation before either of them could speak.   
"Wow! Let's do that again!" Duo yelled and went to go push the button again, but was held back by Trowa.  
"No. No. No, no, no! No" Trowa said then his gaze lifted, he heard, cheering? He motioned for Duo to follow behind him as he started to walk towards what looked like a make shift arena of some sorts, he suppoed it was as good a place as any to begin looking for this Lord Trieze.  
  
  
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, how are you liking it so far? I know, I have far too much time on my hands v.v. But, I've decided since you've made it this far I'm going to give you a heads up on who's who here.  
Shrek = Trowa Barton  
Donkey = Duo Maxwell  
Lord Farquaad = Trieze Kushrenada  
Thelonius = Quinze  
Cinderella = Noin  
Snow White = Lady Une  
Gingerbread Man = Quatre Reberba Winner  
Magic Mirror = Wufei Chang  
Princess Fiona = Nanashi (eh...if you've read any of my other fan fics you'll know who she is)  
That's all I could think of for now o.O I'm starting to loose track myself, I promise you another chapter really soon!  
Diamond Wing Pegasus ) 


End file.
